[This post has been translated to English as faithfully as possible. Please note that Castiel curses often in his natural speech.]
You know how in my introduction I was like, not sure what to post? Well, I got something sooner than I thought. It was last night, at like, 4AM. I heard so much noise in the kitchen and got outta bed and there's just jello fucking everywhere.
I mean,
everywhere.
It was wild. Fox had all the powder mix, so it was just on the floor, sticky from the water, like all over the counters. I mean he'd eaten so much, I'd honestly never seen him eat so much, even when he was getting his weight back up. [Translator's Note: Fox had been a very unhealthy weight when Castiel met him. This is what Castiel is referring to.] Of course I immediately went to check on him, since he was sobbing and crying. As I suspected, he'd had a nightmare about some trauma. Normally he wakes me or goes on a drive. Sometimes he even takes me on a drive, and lately I've been able to drive him. So I asked why he didn't, and he just sobbed, telling me he didn't wanna bother me. He sobbed out;
"A drive didn't work!!"
Like I know I'm a shit guy for finding the whole jello thing funny, but it was kinda funny, ya know? Like on TV, some crazy bullshit they do in ads to get you hooked, I was waiting for a shitty laugh track. I don't know how to describe it, it was just something insane. Red was fucking everywhere, I'd stepped in some of it and my foot was wet and sticky, Fox was covered in jello too. Like it was in his hair, and all over his clothes. He was practically a Ruby at this point, he was so covered in red. And the boxes, there were so many of them. I kinda wonder if he drove out and got more cuz as much as I know he loves jello, he doesn't keep twenty boxes in the house. I'm not sure how he even got it finish so fast. Well, maybe I do. Might explain the melting ice cubes all over the floor.
I knew it was serious, as funny as it looked. He was sobbing and eating more as if I wasn't there. Or he didn't care, or maybe just so lost in a flashback that he wasn't really processing that I existed. It happens, when your brain's all fucked up from stupid Green Gems abusing their powers. Sapphire [god], that's just what pisses me off most about all this. Not gonna go over Fox's trauma here cuz that's fucked up, but being under constant mental abuse for 10 years will really kill your brain. And like, y'all know mental abuse in terms of like, emotional, but this is constant mind control and memory wipes, James did so much shit that pisses me off. I don't even know how to mind control someone. Like I didn't teach myself that cuz why the hell would I need to control someone? That's fucked up, so fucked up. And like, totally illegal. There's no time that being mind controlled is really moral. Maybe to stop someone from like, hurting themselves, but that's all. You don't need to wipe someone's memory either. Like shit, if you do something fucked up you need to own up to it and apologize, don't erase it. That'll bite you in the ass eventually. Anyways, I'm rambling, back to the story.
I knew he'd get sick if I let it continue. So I stopped him and told him we should wash up and get some more sleep. He agreed and we started to clean up the jello. I talked with him then, about what he'd dreamed about, why it scared him, and how he was safe now, from what was hurting him back then. I learned all this stuff from our psycholo- psyachi- therapist, whatever. I forget what he is, Jayr's a good guy. Anyways, it seems to work every time, so not sure why Fox didn't wanna wake me. He said he just thought he'd asked for too much help lately, but like, I'm here having withdrawal and that must be a pain in the ass. So I wasn't really worried about it. Not gonna hash out everything we talked about cuz I don't wanna invade Fox's privacy. Let's just say James is the fucking worst. You'll learn about him soon enough, or if you're reading this in the future, maybe Ma's [Rosetta] already got the book published or the short story or something.
Then we showered cuz we were both sticky after cleaning up the jello. And we talked more in the shower cuz the convo was still going, like we weren't gonna stop it cuz we had to shower. But Fox really needed me to help him. Sometimes his trauma just leaves him dysfunctional and I'm here to help him with that. He'd probably have passed out in the kitchen if I hadn't heard all the noise. I washed all the jello outta his hair, and he washed my hair because why not? We love each other, we care for each other. I brought him to bed and held him in my arms, which probably looks so cute cuz I'm way shorter than he is. This big, sweet, beautiful man laying in the arms of a small gremlin. I bet that's just the cutest to some people. I'm just happy to call him mine~
I just worry about him. I can't let this go on forever, ya know? He can't keep relying on jello and drives for comfort. I can only do so much, but when you have a big crisis like this there's gotta be more I can do. I just wanna avoid this again. I'm gonna start calling it The Jello Crisis, maybe give it a TM. I'll think of something to do. Maybe it's just my aro [aromantic] side talking, but I just feel so stuck when a breakdown this bad happens. I dunno what to do to help besides talk him through it and kiss him. I'm kinda bad at emotions, normally I just drank or smoked away any emotions I had. I had to learn how to feel, and still kinda am. I can just be so confused when Fox is breaking down, it takes me time to understand what's happening. I feel like it should just be instant, because I love him. Isn't that what love is?
I just wish I knew what I could do to help. I'm really gonna think on it, maybe I'll call Jayr. He's always got good advice on how to help. I always ask him why he can't just heal Fox's brain. Green Pearls can heal mental wounds, like how other Pearls can heal physical wounds, but he says the abuse Fox suffered made it too hard to go in and heal every mental wound. He's done some, but not all of them, so Imma keep working at helping Fox get better. Because I wanna see him shine, I wanna see him live his best life. He's coming to rule the music world, if it's the last thing I do.
Anyways, have a good whatever time of day it is for you. Fox and I have dishes to do... lots of them.
Castiel
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