Hey everyone! I hope you're doing well today. I've been facing a lot of creative burnout lately, mostly because I'm partaking in NaNoWriMo, meaning I'm challenging myself to write 50,000 words in one month. I'm at 28,550 as of writing this post, which is amazing, but it's a lot of work. In a few days I'll have officially passed the word count on Fox's novel, which I've been working on for 3 years. But, it is a lot of work, and the burnout doesn't help with schoolwork and blog posts. I figured the best way to get through burnout is to write about it. So, here's a rough draft of a flash fiction story about working with burnout.
The curser blinks ominously.
Blink.
Blink.
Blink.
In order to stop it from taunting me, I start typing words.
The.
Delete.
This essay.
Delete.
I know better than this. I've written so many essays, and here I am, staring at the blank page of doom.
College has been a lot this year. The workload is egregious and Brightspace refuses to make it easier on me. How do I know if my work has been submitted? I won't, because I'll find an assignment marked missing or incomplete. But I submitted it five days ago.
Some of my professors are good. Some understand what the word "break" means. Others think it's a great time to assign tests.
I'm facing everyone's biggest fear;
The small blue flame of burnout.
I tried to light a candle yesterday, not realizing how little wick it had left. As I struggled with the lighter, (I've always been a bit uneasy about even barbecue lighters,) the wick struggled to take the flame. After listening to the lighter clink against the small glass jar with an uneasy rhythm, the wick agreed to take a small blue flame. I watched the flame for it's few moments of existence, and found myself in a space so liminal, my mind went blank.
When the wick become enveloped in wax, the small blue flame disappeared. And my mind lingered there, imagining the struggle of the flame to keep itself alive.
As I stare at the blank page of doom, I see my own small blue flame of burnout being eaten by wax.
I close my laptop and let the flame go out.
It's not due tomorrow, I think I'll watch a movie instead.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read this little post. I hope you have a wonderful week!
-Rosetta 💖
Image by Niklas Hamann