Good day my friends,
I've been wanting to finally edit all of my pictures from Watkins Glen and while I have some free time now, I found that I'm just too exhausted to go through thousands of pictures and edit the best ones. Instead, I'm going to write a bit of prose about my semester and the sleepy fog I've found my mind in as of late. Expect a bit of a mess, a free write of thoughts and memories in a loosely organized story. While this isn't my normal content, I need to back get in the swing of writing a blog post each week, so I'm going easy on myself.
It's very important to take care of yourself and your mental health. I've had to learn this the hard way, so even if this post isn't perfect, I'm happy to have tried. Hope you enjoy!
If life is a highway, my fog lights have stopped working on a cold, humid day. A mist of confusion has surrounded my car, which hobbles on at a cautious ten miles an hour. Not only because of said fog, but because things have been crammed into every corner of the trunk and every seat. Even I, the driver, has a stack of half read books on my lap.
What things, you may ask. Deep in the trunk are the best of the treasures. The draft of a novel, short stories galore, works of art yet to be created. It's unfortunate that they're covered by the looming threat of finals and upcoming essays. Not until word counts and academic papers are cleared away can the golden tickets glisten.
And in the back seats, under a spare blanket and re-useable grocery bags are assignments due soon. Not just yet, but soon. I can see them in the rearview mirror and often address them for a short time. For if I look away for too long, I'll crash. Next to me, my passenger, are the immediate responsibilities. The reading due Monday, the paper due Tuesday, the midterm research paper I'll submit today. It just needs one quick proof read, I swear. Like screaming chicks they beg for attention, ask "are we there yet?" as the car huffs and puffs from the weight on it's back.
As the driver I must resist the urge to keep reading. The urge not because every book I've been assigned is good, but because reading deadlines come fast. Bleak House is the hardest, for it's gloomy smog has encroached into my mind. I see myself in Esther, who desperately tries not to care about her appearance and fails to conceal it from the reader. Do I appear happy? Should I get concealer for my eye bags? Should I instead portray the truth of six classes all over my face?
The same ten songs play on loop, my time being eaten too quickly to even choose a different playlist. Oh how fast I need to get back, for on top of educational responsibilities, I have duties to my newfound friends. I'd forgotten how nice it was to be a part of a group. I'd forgotten how helpful it is to have friends in my classes. I'd forgotten that college clubs can be fun. Yet those too require upkeep, and even fun can be draining.
Upcoming are deadlines and the scramble to get a book the bookstore never told me wasn't coming. Amazon is fast, but is it fast enough to calm my compounding anxiety? Will it be enough to stop the self critical part of my mind that tells me I was stupid not to quadruple check every single syllabus and then some? Will I spend too much time overthinking that I remember to slam the breaks?
When the car comes to a halt, I take a deep breath. I take the books out of my lap and go to the trunk. I dig out my drawing tablet and start to draw right then and there. I forgot get about the fog clouding my mind, I forgot about how I appear to others, I forgot, if only for a few hours, about all of my homework.
I wait for the fog to clear, on the side of the road doodling away. I watch other cars pass by, some much swifter than others. I let the time pass, until the fog has cleared. I pack away my tablet, happy to have created something for myself after all this time. I get back in driver's seat, leaving the books in passenger seat and start the gas.
Because if life is a highway, I wanna drive it all night long.
I hope you enjoyed! Not my best work but as the story implies things are getting better. Life has it's ups and downs but I'm gonna keep trucking!
Have a great week,
-Rosetta 💖
Image Jay Toor
Comentarios